Waiting

Man, oh man... you know God is talking to you when you have to listen to the same sermon more than once. Tomorrow, part of my day at Liberty will be listening to Louie Giglio's Unwrapped sermon. Too much information to just hear it once.

What are you waiting for?

Personally, I'm waiting for answers to prayers regarding transitions, changes, and new seasons.
I'm waiting for physical evidence of supernatural victories.

Basically, I'm waiting for a baby.
First, slow down. It's not that kind of baby.

Louie said something so profound last night: God promises, a pregnancy (time of waiting) occurs, and then He delivers... every single time.

The month of December is my chance to find Jesus among the rhema and logos in my life. It's a chronological reminder of Jesus in me. I'm afraid I've missed the essence of the song "Your Love is Extravagant" over the last few months: "Your love is extravagant/Your friendship, so intimate/I find I'm moving to the rhythms of your grace/Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place/Spread wide in the arms of Christ is a love that covers sin/No greater love have I ever known that you consider me your friend/You've captured my heart again". I've missed the scent of His presence, the feel of His arms around me, and the gentle sound of His voice in my soul.

In September, I visited my mentor and received a word from the Lord. Since then, I personally feel Hell has chased me down day after day. To others, they would call me a wimp, lightweight, or weak, but to me, these events are life altering. Not because they're huge, but because they revolutionize, or renew, my mind.

Two more recent events are still making me change my words and thoughts. On the same day my wallet was stolen, a check was cashed in my name. I never knew about this check as it was never deposited. About two weeks ago, I looked at my bank statement, and there was a return item for $300 and a return item fee of $12 posted. Since then, I've been dealing with the bank, opening new accounts, getting a new debit card, and dealing with the police.

On Saturday, one of my kids died. When I say "my kids", it's usually a teen or child I've watched grow up at Liberty. She was in high school and needed a new heart, but she didn't make it to her surgery. Two deaths in two weeks.

What am I waiting for?

I'm waiting for answers to questions. I'm waiting for the next step to be illuminated. I'm waiting for the go ahead to move forward.

In Luke 12, Jesus talks about waiting and being ready. We're not just waiting idly, but we're working and preparing for Him, His word, and His return.

Are you waiting in a state of readiness? I know I haven't been. I've been waiting in a state of laziness. I've taken the word of "Don't fight - just go with it" way too literally. It's so literal, I don't even fight some of my words, attitudes, or actions - I just let them go, too.

I can't do that anymore - God is still expecting me to be a mirror, a moon if you will, reflecting His son, and His son is a fighter.

What are you waiting for? And what state of mind are you in while you wait?

I'm waiting for a baby God promised me earlier this year. Even though I know He intentionally withheld some of my heart's desires to test my heart, I will continue to wait in hope and faith, knowing this baby will be born.

What baby has God promised you? Will you be Sarah, trying to make a baby come forth, or Hannah, continuing to wait and trust the Lord?

Maybe some Beth Moore tomorrow... didn't get as far in the study as I wanted to :)

Working Through It All

Amber died on Friday.
She and I, along with a couple other people, did everything we could together for part of our high school time.
She graduated in 1998, and we lost touch, but we still had mutual friends.
I talked to her on the phone a couple years ago, and she and I talked about finding some time to meet up.
We never did.
I knew she wasn't doing great, but she was 30.
Am I old enough to bury my girl?
The most vivid memory I have of her is from my junior year/her senior year.
She and I sang a duet for a talent show: His Eye Is On the Sparrow from the Sister Act II soundtrack, done by Lauryn Hill and Tonya Blount.
We knew we could sing, but it wasn't like them.
Mrs. Plummer helped us out. and we did our best.
I remember telling Chaz, "Sorry, but I'm singing with Amber."
I turned down "Slow Jam" by Usher and Monica.
I'm glad, though - it turned into one of my best memories.
We worked on that song, and we sang it, and it wasn't that great.
But it was so much fun.

She's gone, and I didn't say anything.
I never told her how much Jesus changed my life.
I never mentioned that Jesus' love never fails me.

I wish I had said something.
Not to get her saved, but to let her know it wasn't my love I showed her in high school.
It wasn't my compassion that caused me to invite her over, to chill with my family, to sing and dance with me, or to hang out on the weekends.
Just so she would know there was someone that loved her more than I, or anyone else, ever could.

So many songs running through my head: "Don't Waste Your Life" and "Go Hard" from Lecrae's Rebel, Israel's whole "Love God, Love People", and much more. Working through it all...

No bow yet...