Love Letter

It's been some time, you know, since we've really talked, you and me. Probably too much time, you know?
We could beat around the bush, shoot the breeze, tell a couple jokes... or we could say what really needs to be said.
If you don't mind, I'd like to go first. I'm totally willing to listen to you... by going first, I know I'm being selfish, and it's wrong, but I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't tell you.
I love you.
Like for real, truly love you.
You're probably wondering why it took me so long to figure it out and tell you instead of just assuming you already know. It's because I had to realize you've done something for me that no one else has really honestly done.
You loved me.
Wait - I'm not saying no else loves me. I have a great family and amazing friends, and they loved me their way. I know it deep inside my heart.
Your love, though, is different. For example, remember when I tried to manipulate you to get what I wanted, and you called me on it? Or remember when I broke down and cried because I didn't like who I was? What did you do? You wrapped me in your arms and told me it was okay, how grateful you were because I was me.
What about those times we would just talk with each other? You're such a great listener, and I love hearing your voice. Sometimes, I got chills when you spoke to me. Your words resonated in my spirit.
I miss spending real time with you. I can tell just by how my days goes, and I feel so bad later for not spending time... I just don't say anything.
I was afraid - afraid I'd never be good enough for you. I wanted to be so badly. I want to be faithful and considerate, compassionate and understanding - just like you.
I hoped you'd see my insecurities and weaknesses and be willing to accept me for me. You did, every time. I wanted so much to be someone you wanted to invest in, and you did - a lot.
I don't suppose saying "I love you" is as big a deal now - how much do those words get thrown around, esp. by me? But I do, even when I know I messed up with you. How many times did you forgive me?
So, all this to say I want another chance to love you. No more fear, no more giving in to shame or guilt, no more hiding.
See, I've held back, shut in, and kept quiet for too long. I chose not to fight for you, but no longer will I keep my heart contained.
Forgive me for feeling the need to be like everyone else, for neglecting you, for thinking other things were more important. I'm not ashamed of you - I'm ashamed of me.
But now, let's dance in the rain and laugh and smile and maybe even make a memory together.
I want to worship you in spirit and in truth. I want to be real about what you mean to me.
Jesus, I love you, and I'm not afraid to tell the world.
You know my inmost being, you know all my thoughts, you catch each of my tears, you hold my world together.
You are my provider, the banner that goes before me, my healer, my God, my friend, my father, my big brother, my love, my heart.
You created all the heavens and everything they contain, and yet you know me intimately.
You are my Lord and Master, my King, and I humbly stand before you, grateful to be chosen as one of your own.
I love you, Jesus.
Sincerely,
Jayme