Who am I?

This morning, Pastor Sheila asked us to describe who we are in the kingdom. She asked, "If I was going to pick fruit from you, what would it be?" Everyone bears fruit -whether a little or a lot, ripe or overripe or underdeveloped.

I called myself "the voice of reason". Others called it wisdom (uhh....). I know people come to me for counsel, and I pray I encourage them as well as assist them in processing and all that. I also have people in my life that, when they let me know what's up, if I feel hesitant or iffy about something, they're at least open to hearing it... sometimes.

Well, what happens when that voice... isn't able to speak?
I don't even know if that makes sense.

I hope the people in my life know that I truly love them dearly, and I don't want to offend or judge.

When do you move from "the voice of reason" to "control freak"? How much am I really willing to trust God to do?

I want you to see the truth. I want you to know there really is only one way to the Father. I haven't figured it all out. I don't want you to walk that road. I don't want you to even venture down that detour.

I don't have it all together, and I'm FAR from perfect. I'm not Jesus. I can't save you. I can't make you see, understand, live, or conceive. I can't control you, even though I want to. I can't dictate, mandate, require, or force.

I have to trust the precious Holy Spirit to speak to your heart, bring conviction, and speak truth.

I'm not always the vessel He chooses to use.

How much do I trust you, Father? Even when I see those I love heading toward destruction or leaning away from you? Is it my place to stop them or do I let go? Do I say something, or do I refrain?

You told me, "Go with it. Don't fight it."
So, Your kingdom come, Father, and Your will be done.

Those I love - I will continue to pray and will say what He wants me to say.

Am I the "voice of reason" or wise person others perceive me to be?

The best definition is not who you say you are, but how others define you.

Wisdom in this situation - trust the Father. He knows.

The Next 5 weeks... began yesterday

So, I love how God says something, and it totally changes your perspective.
"The next 6 weeks of your life is going to bring some things. Don't fight it; just go with it."

Week 1: car needs to be fixed, tax payments set up, glasses break resulting in contacts and new glasses, reached a new place in Singles Worship, go to see "Once Upon A Mattress" in which my cousin (who is gay) plays a gay man, realized I'm not relevant to anyone under 21 anymore, went to Centennial Park and watched some amazing dancers and some amazing worshipers with dance experience and expertise, realized not everyone (or animal) is going to like me, attended Liberty Church on Sun AM and Passion City Church in the PM with family time in the middle.

To most, nothing overly shocking. I mean, I'm still alive, still have a home, still have all my limbs, and still even look cute :)

What do you possibly have for week 2, Father?
A friend that loves Jesus and has such a beautiful heart for others... practicing Buddhist mediation. Also, the lovely weather change in GA is messing with my sinus cavities. That's just day 1.

I'm also only allowed to read Song of Solomon, Romans, Hebrews, James, Jude, and memorize 5 specific chapters - Rm 12, Gal 5, Eph 6, and recap Is 61 & 1 Cor 13. I'm also reading with PCC's Journey to 515.

I have certain physical things to do everyday, and I have a certain amount of water to drink daily.

Apparently, I am now "fasting". I don't really mind saying this since Emily's really the only one that reads this anyway :)

The crazy part is I look forward to everything that's coming. I know God hadn't prepared me, I would've freaked out about so many things in the last week. But I realized God has been speaking to me about a couple things already. I don't have to justify my heart for teens and young adults. He's calling me to a new way to minister to those he places on my heart. Just like with my car, taxes, and glasses - no, I'm not out of debt, but my priorities are lining up according to His desire. He is setting me up for success, and I trust my Father to provide for me. Even this friend that is trying something new in meditation... well, I'm still working through that. I guess my response is PLEASE BE MEDITATING ON THE WORD!!!

Anyway, reading with PCC is so great, and the scripture for this week is just right. I love how the body of Christ can walk together, even though we are in different buildings and places. So, here we go:

Isaiah 40:1-2, 8
Comfort, oh comfort my people, says your God.
Speak softly and tenderly to Jerusalem,
but also make it very clear
That she has served her sentence,
that her sin is taken care of - forgiven!
She's been punished enough and more than enough,
and now it's over and done with.
True, the grass withers and the wildflowers fade,
but our God's Word stands firm and forever. (The Message)

The next 5 weeks will contain some things that will probably send my head reeling. I will more than likely experience something mind-blowing, gut-wrenching, or just jaw-dropping.

And through those things, I am in a place where I can go to my Father boldly, I can be affirmed in my faith through the Holy Spirit, and I can laugh or cry with my Savior, brother, redeemer, and friend. The best part is His Word stands firm and forever. This declaration of forgiveness will always cover me, and in return, I give my life in allegiance and obedience.

It makes me think of "King Arthur". BTW, I really dig this movie, and not because of the dark, brooding, yet extremely handsome Ioan Gruffudd. Moving on... the men that followed Arthur went to the death, proclaiming him as their leader. They remained faithful, no matter the fear they battled or fury they felt.

Over the next 5 weeks, God and I will travel a path only He knows how to navigate. I choose to be faithful, no matter what fear I face or frustration I experience.

I am forgiven, that is eternal truth, and I lift my eyes, expectation, and hands to the living God.

Do what you will.

Becoming Who You Are

Everyone tries to be better –

A better person,

A better mother or father,

A better employer.

It’s our goal, our highest aspiration,

It’s what we live for.

But we never achieve it.

There’s always someone that’s better –

More stuff, more money,

More control, more power,

More popular, more loved.

But we keep pushing for it,

Striving to become better.

We believe in becoming better people,

We become who we were meant to be.

CEO, president, American Idol,

Best teacher, most successful salesperson,

Most friendly, most likely to be famous.

So many situations, and we allow them to

Become our identity,

Define who we are,

Tell the world “this is me”.

But, honestly, are we really better?

Or just more experienced?

Do we really learn from these things

Or are they just markers in the race?

Did you ever stop to think that

Becoming who you are

Is becoming who I AM is?

I AM is holy

I AM is a sacrifice.

I AM is love.

There is so much more

To who you are

Than these titles and goals.

Father, help us see and know

That becoming who we are

Is all about becoming who

YOU ARE.

What Can I Give To You?

So, it's Thursday.

Sunday, a mentor told me things would be happening over the next 6 weeks. He said just go with it, not to fight it. I knew it was from the Lord because it confirmed something God spoke to me in the past. It also stirred up questions in me, but a word of knowledge usually does.

Yesterday, my glasses broke.
About a month ago, the check engine light came on and went off... then came back on and went off... every day.
6 months ago, I was dreading April 15 because I knew I wasn't ready for taxes.

All this, on top of scaling back in pay and work as well as personal issues...

I still choose to say, "Blessed be your name". I still pick you, Jesus.

But I know I can give you; I just haven't yet.

You want my trust.
You want my time.
You want my heart.

Lord, I gave you my heart; I gave you my soul. I live for you alone.

You won't relent until you have it all; my heart is yours.

Seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness, then all things will be added to you.

Jehovah Jireh - the God who provides

You have my heart.
You have my trust.

What can I give to you? My time.

What kind of relationship flourishes when there's no time spent with each other? What kind of marriage is successful if one is always running after someone or something other than their mate? What kind of friendship lasts when those involved don't stop, listen, and talk? What kind of relationship does a daughter have with a father she never talks to, gleans advice from, clings to when she's happy or sad, or doesn't even bother getting to know?

"Be still, (insert name here) and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

When we give God the opportunity to be God by waiting, being still, spending time, listening, and loving, we see his hand move in our lives in ways we never thought possible.

He wants my time.

Take a minute and ask... what can I give to you?

Even better, ask Him this: What do you need to take from me so I can focus on you?
Ask, and then... let Him take it. He took away my security in financial things: car acting crazy, taxes due to the government, broken glasses, and less work. That's HUGE for me. I'm the one that never asks for help, never asks to borrow, and now I have to trust God to multiply my pennies.

But it got my attention, and that's what He wants. My attention, my time, my focus.

So, what does God need to take away from you?

Work in Progress

One hour.
One hour left in today.
Do you know what happened today last year?
Tears, sobs, brokenness, and heartache.
"Please don't let it happen.
Please let me be wrong.
Please let this message resounding in my head be a lie!"

One hour.
One hour left, and then it's tomorrow.
Do you know what happened one year ago tomorrow?
"It's not you; it's me.
It just wouldn't work.
This just isn't right."

One hour.
One hour left to praise you for today.
Do you know what happened today?
I live for you.
I desire to know you better.
Your love is extravagant.

One hour.
One hour, and then it's tomorrow.
Do you know what will happen tomorrow?
"I will celebrate,
Sing unto the Lord!
I will sing to Him a new song!"

I'm still a work in progress - learning to let go and see God in every situation.
Even the situations that bring pain and ache to my soul.

I'm still a work in progress - thanking God for His sovereignty and goodness.
For He knows what's best for me better than I know what's best for me.

I'm still a work in progress - giving God all I am and all I have.
He disciplines and corrects those He loves, esp. when they don't give everything.

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
The wages of sin is death,
BUT the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.

I'm still a work in progress - I don't get it right every time.
I'm trusting you, though, my Father, for your way and will in my life and the lives of others around me.

JCH