Over the last few weeks, seminary has been a new life and learning experience. So much of what happens in my everyday life is far removed from what I'm used to at home. Atlanta is covered in fall colors, and Dallas stays warm and... covered in concrete. I'm used to living life laid back, coming and going when I please, unfettered unless I choose to be. I now experience life in a small radius at a slow moving (read walking) pace. Home is still in Marietta, and I happen to live in Dallas.
The community in which I reside gathered together for dinner this evening. It's our fourth dinner together, and I usually appreciate the time as a break from studying, a chance to build relationships, and an opportunity to eat some really fantastic food. However, tonight was more difficult, and I came back upstairs within minutes. See, I went out last night, and there were a lot of people. Two days back to back... a little overwhelming.
Sitting on the floor with my plate, I wrote a paper on introversion and leadership in the church. I know I am a "social introvert", so I'm able to handle social events to an extent and even seem outgoing. Yet, after the noise fades away, it's in the solitude and silence that I am free and at peace.
How does life look for an introvert in seminary? Well, on some days, it looks like a genuine smile and interest in your day. These days usually include laughter, lots of questions, and possibly hand gestures. Other times, it looks like a genuine smile accompanied by a soft tone and a hug. Then, there are days when the wall is holding me up, and my smile doesn't quite reach my eyes. This day might also produce a wave or a nod. Bottom out days... our encounters will probably be quiet and brief.
It's not that I don't care... because I honestly do with a genuine concern.
It's not that I don't like you... unless I genuinely don't like you (which takes a LOT of effort for me).
Its' not that I am anti-social... I like to laugh and enjoy hearing about your story. Everyone's story has value.
I just can't be on all the time.
This is a constant struggle for me. I'm still insecure in my new environment, and I know I can say and do things that will harm people when I don't think before I speak or act. I walk around in a constant tense state, trying to be encouraging and speaking words that I won't regret later. However, I also know this isn't healthy for me in any aspect.
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