Nobody's Perfect

On the emotional level, this week has been hell. Let me explain why.

Hell is a place completely devoid of God's presence. I've been so emotionally driven that stopping to allow God any space in my life this week didn't quite happen, so it's been hell.

And yet, He loves me. Oh, how He loves me!

Not really gonna give a recap - I can personally live without it - but there's been a process of getting me to the entry of Jesus Calling for today. I promise, there's a method to my madness... more like insanity, insecurity, and insistence for control.

The title was a comment that I received as a response to a look given during a conversation a few weeks ago. It's stuck with me since then and came up in a conversation with my cousin earlier this week. She asked me if I felt perfection was an expectation I placed on the relationship. Did I think that expectation restricted the ability to be one's self? I thought for a moment before saying, "Possibly".

Before I go any further, let's define "perfect": w/o blemish, scarring, or anything that can mar an image. In reference to people, it's someone who never chooses themselves over others. For those of us that love God, it's someone that always chooses God's will and never chooses self-rule. Perfect is someone who has no blemish on his or her soul.

How many times do we use "nobody's perfect" to excuse our weakness? Not in any way am I saying I don't do this - my response in the early conversation was "Who you tellin'?". If anything, I see everyday how miserably I fail at perfection, especially this week. I want to be the perfect friend/sister/child/worker/girlfriend(eventual wife)/singer/worshiper/teacher/leader. (Do I aspire high or what?) I want to always choose God's will and never choose self-rule. This week, the exact opposite happened, and it was because I want to be those things.

Twist (and deviation from what I have written on paper): Matt. 6:33. More and more, this verse is becoming bigger and bigger in my life. Track with me... If I seek God and His kingdom first, He will add things to my life, right? Well, when I seek God first, I am in a place where I've accepted, believe, and live a life that puts Christ on the throne. When I live in this place, Galatians 2:20 is truth: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me". Ok, so here we go. Christ is now living in my body, and I'm still aware of life, even though I am dead. So, all that is necessary for perfection now resides in me.

I'm not claiming to be Jesus - please don't assume that! I - me, Jayme Hightower - am not perfect, but Christ - son of God, all that is perfect - lives in me. Not only is perfection "in" me, but... wait for it... greater is HE that is in me than he that is in the world! Does this make sense? Life is full of imperfections, but "our God is greater, our God is stronger! Lord, you are higher than any other! Our God is healer, awesome in power - our God!" (I'm convinced God has a soundtrack for all our lives - for some, it manifests on CD!)

Last night, I spent an hour on the phone with a friend, wondering why I felt like my faith was crumbling into a pile of nothing. How many lies spewed from my mouth, I couldn't tell you. Honestly, every insecurity I've ever struggled with manifested in a false statement about myself. She spoke this CRAZY amount of life into me, and I couldn't move past AHHH!!!

Bringing me back to Jesus Calling for May 21, 2010:
I, the Creator of the Universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack (of perfection, I added), it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life (which I was reminded of last night); your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anythying.

And bringing me back to the soundtrack God's playing in my head:
Water - you turned into wine
Opened the eyes of the blind.
There's no one like you - none like you.

Perfection is found only in Jesus, so yeah, nobody's perfect... and it's okay because Perfection is within us, and it is greater than our insecurities, insensitivies, insanity, and instability. He is our stability in the chaos of life.

You alone can rescue,
You alone can save.
You alone can lift us from the grave.
You came down to find us,
Led us out of death.
To You alone belongs the highest praise!

*note: to the one that felt I expected perfection - it wasn't you that I expected to be perfect. I knew you had flaws, and that was okay with me. It was my imperfections I couldn't see past. Thanks for hanging in there and being patient with me.